Reflections of a Thief
by Pacific Rose
Summary: George reflects on his feelings for Alanna, and what the future might hold for them. Set in "Hand of the Goddess". [One-shot]


**Disclaimer:** All characters and settings are the property of the great Tamora Pierce.

The **lyrics** in italics are from the song "23", by Jimmy Eat World.

* * *

George Cooper stood on the top of the Dancing Dove, his kingdom and domain. The brown slate tiles glowed pink with the dawn as around, above and below them, Corus began to stir. 

In the distance the Oloron River glistened, its waters catching the first rays of sun. Beside it, the towers of the Upper City shone, countered by the impassable, regal darkness of the Royal Forest. Between them all wound the city's main roads: Market, Harmony and Palace Way. Beyond lay the Great Road East. At its very beginning, just outside the palace, dust clouds were beginning to rise.

George sharpened his Sight, already knowing what he would find beneath the dust. The King's armies were there, marching off to the banks of Tusaine. Row upon row of soldiers stood, flanked by mounted knights and horses with carts. All wore or flew banners of the royal colors: scarlet, gold and white. Looking among them, George searched for the copper top of hair belonging to Alanna, his friend of the past five years. Or was she more than a friend? Quietly, the King of Thieves remembered the night before.

_- I felt for sure last night, _

_that once we said goodbye. _

_No one else will know these lonely dreams, _

_no one else will know that part of me. _

He had snuck into to palace, knowing that the soldiers were to leave soon. Alanna had found him in the palace temple, dressed as a priest, and he had talked once again of his interest in her. But in truth, George's emotions were well beyond simple interest.

From the time he had discovered she was female, in her first years as a page, George had held affections for the ferociously loyal and fire-tempered girl. He had watched her grow and mature both as a fighter and a woman. Alanna relaxed when she was around George, dropping pretenses and masquerades held close at the palace. He got to see the true girl behind those startlingly purple eyes – her unguarded smiles and joking charm.

But Alanna was set on her dreams as a knight. Rather than search for love, like maidens and ladies her age, she denied it, twice embarassedly pushing aside George's touch. The two kisses they had shared had been almost stolen, taken before she realized that in kissing, she was breaking her own vow of chastity. George wished that just once she would respond to him.

_- You're still driving away, _

_and I'm sorry every day. _

_I won't always love these selfish dreams, _

_I won't always live _

_not stopping. _

He wouldn't always love the Rogue. Challenges, fight and treasures were fine, but everyone's life changes at some point. The constant danger in his youth had been exhilarating; now George was starting to find it all tiresome. The knowledge that his company, his mere presence endangered those he loved worried him. One day he knew he would settle down, quit the Rogue, slow the down his pace. Children, a family – all things were in the picture. Time waited for no one, and he wanted to find a truer, deeper meaning to his life before its end. As surely and he knew his own name, the thief knew that he wanted to love in his life, and that the person he wanted to love was Alanna.

_- It was my turn to decide, _

_I knew this was our time. _

_No one else will have me like you do, _

_no one else will have me, _

_only you. _

George knew that Alanna would protest when he had shown his affections for her yesterday. Even a fool could see that, wrapped up in her worries and wars, Alanna wasn't ready for love, even if it was standing in front of her eyes. But he needed to let her know that no matter what, someone would be waiting for her when she returned.

_- You'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time, _

_what are you hoping for? _

_I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready, _

_holding on tight. _

_Don't give away the end, _

_the one thing that stays mine. _

He wondered when Alanna truly would learn to love. Nobody real could go on, could live sanely without it. Although, the thief remarked to himself, love makes you crazy too. Foreign emotions, overpowering urges, sleepless nights and unrequited attentions. If this was love, then he was just as crazy as Alanna. But he hid it well. He knew these things would scare her. What scared George wasn't feelings, no, not at all. What scared George most was the future.

_- Amazing still it seems _

_I'll be 23, _

_I won't always love what I'll never have, _

_I wont always live in my regret._

He wasn't young anymore. The ages of twenty-two, twenty-three were well in the horizon. Soon would come twenty-five, and then thirty. Age, somehow, had a horrible way of creeping up on you. But all of Alanna's friends were young. As a woman, she was just coming into her prime, as were the boys who surrounded her. What if she loved one of them?

George wasn't worried about Alanna not returning his affections. He would be content to live his life in celibacy, as long as she was near. Just her presence was enough. But if Alanna loved another, she might be afraid to face George, knowing that he held affections for her as well. Not seeing her smile, hearing her speak…the mere thought filled him with horror, and a heart-wrenching longing.

He could stand by his whole life, a counselor, mentor-figure and confidante. As he had promised, George wouldn't push the issue of their relationship. If things went any further, it would be by Alanna's words and actions, not his. He wanted to do nothing he, or she, might regret later on. After all, trust, love and friendship are broken much quicker than they are restored.

_- You'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time, _

_what are you hoping for? _

_I'm here, I'm now, I'm ready, _

_holding on tight. _

_Don't give away the end, _

_the one thing that stays mine. _

As the sun finished rising George set his thought to the present – another busy day. The streets were beginning to fill, and he and his kind had to go about their business. Walking towards the edge of the roof, he glanced back one more time at the Great Road. By now the dust clouds had advanced, and were almost at the edge of the city. George didn't call up his Sight, because he knew that no matter how hard he looked, Alanna would not be visible. Instead he looked to his heart, where she was always present. The dust disappeared as he jumped down into the alley below. It was time to return to his life, and to keep hoping. George knew he would hope as long as he lived.

* * *

**A/N:** So, there you go. The plot just kind of jumped into my head while I was listening to "23", and the lyrics seemed to fit perfectly with George and Alanna. Hope you liked it! 


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